Stuff Christians Like blog is a blog I really enjoying reading. I was reading blog entry #162 and at the end they posted some videos that Joel Thomas from North point had made for a sermon series. And this is how I wish we all would look at things and really think about having a childlike faith.
2. Bath Time
How cute was that?
So here it is 6:45 am and I have been up since 5 am. I really really wanted to go back to bed but I knew I couldn’t because I had a 6 am meeting. Well show up to the meeting and find I’m the only one that does show up. I wait 20 minutes and then head to my next meeting at Java Haute. Still wishing that I could go back to bed but instead I must stay awake. So I find myself in Java with two men chatting at one table, the workers doing their usual run through of making coffee, and me sitting at a table blogging to the world. So this quietness gets me thinking about my future, actually I have been thinking about this a lot. I will be getting married in 46 days and so I find myself looking at a dream of mine that is about to come true. This is going to be the start of family for me. Which brings me to the picture above. That is my flower girl in my wedding, her name is Lilan. I love her! She makes me smile 
. Lilan is my hubby to be cuz’s daughter, so I get to see her at every family gathering and everytime you will find me in awe of this little girl. She makes me smile, laugh, and say “I want one!” Well I know slow down Amber and I know Jon and I are going to wait but there is a huge issue in my heart that hurts. See about 4 years ago I learned I have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovarian Snydrome. PCOS means that I have problems with my hormones and they don’t work right for me to have my monthly women stuff. Well because of this problem I have to take the pill to keep myself regular. Well this okay, but I can remember like it was yesterday when the doctor told me that when “I want to have children I’m going to have to seek help.” After she stated this I don’t remember anything else she said the words “Seek Help” kept popping in my head. Seek help….in doctor world that means money to do things that aren’t natural in married life. So what you are telling me is that when I get married and start having sex to have a baby that isn’t going to work? What! I not only have dreamed for a husband but a FAMILY!! A family for me is huge. After finding out you have something, I did what most people do, I researched it. Well I have found out a whole lot of stuff.
This is what scares me in my marriage. I know that Jon and I both want children but what if I can’t provide one for us. I know that we can adopt and that it will be just as wonderful but a part of me will feel that I have failed. And I know that we aren’t failures because God loves us know matter what. So that brings me to a moment I had this morning. I’m dreaming of the times with Lilan and find myself wanting a child but again am reminded of my PCOS. Well I find myself thinking about Sarah and Abraham from the bible. I bet Sarah felt like a failure so much becuase she could not have a child with Abraham. And they prayed and prayed to God. I can just feel the thoughts that went through Sarah’s mind because I already think the same thing. And then Abraham has some visitors from heaven and say that His wife is going to have a child….and she laughs. I feel you Sarah….I just know that Sarah was like right, I have been praying for so long and God hasn’t answered the pray yet and now that I’m old he wants to bless me….whatever……everything doesn’t work right anymore. Well sure enough she did. She had Isaac. Well I can’t give up and I can’t give in to my negative thoughts. God can do anything. That’s another thing about Lilan that I love…..her mother has the same thing as me. I don’t know how long they tried but Lilan came. Her mother told me that she just stopped taking all meds and gave it to God and next thing she knew…..Lilan.
Lord, thank you for life and being so close to me. You bring me so close to your heart and fulfil my needs and wants in your timing. I just need to be patient and believe in you fully where the heart overflows to know you will fulfill my heart desires. I love you and can’t express myself enough for what you do for me every day. Thank you Abba.
So I’m so excited to be writing my own curriculum for the Children’s ministry. I find myself spending more time in the word and really loving every minute to learn more about God. Also it has helped me grow with more responsibility in my leadership role but some things have changed in the last couple of days. It has come to my attention that I’m apparently neglecting certain areas in the ministry. So the curriculum writing needs to apparently stop. To be honest I really understand and see that yes there is a need but a part of me is hurting because something I’m passionate about is being rip out of me. I only get to write my own stuff for one more month. I can see that people are only trying to protect me but this adds more stress to me that I have to find a curriculum because I’ve already searched and tried many things and they all were awful. So it’s back to the drawing board of starting back at square one. This is probably a blessing in hiding but right now I don’t feel that way. My thoughts continue to think things like this “I’m a children’s director, just like a pastor to adults, don’t pastors write their own stuff?” and “I now have to find stuff that I will have to completely rewrite and vamp to met the children’s needs.” and “Curriculum is gift that God gave someone else to help children.” and “i hate wasting money on curriculum that doesn’t work.” Granted most of this stuff is negative but I also have positive thoughts like these…..”I would evently probably get worn out so others are watching out for me.” and “…………….” Okay my thoughts right now are more down and negative and depressing but I know that God must have some point in this mess of my thoughts. Someone wrote to me last night another fellow Children’s Director…….does this headache ever end? And my response was No it doesn’t end but we must move through the pain and take Sundays with the kids as aspirin for the week of the stuff that causes pain. If last night I was around my brother he would have said to me that I was being a wambulance……a person that whines and has no reason too. This is a blessing…..Right?
Even though it is 9:33am I have already had a full day of stuff. Somedays in this ministry you just want to stop and rethink everything that God has called you to do. And then in a second you are reminded why you signed on for this. I have had two meetings today already one at 6am that started with news that I wasn’t excepting and then another at 7:30am that was uplifting from the other one. I can’t really say what my meetings were about but it basically means I have to be Superwoman and become operation save the earth…..this is a little exaggerated but it is kick you in the butt stuff. When you are called to leadership there is 60% of things you will be great and passionate about and then there is 40% that you really stink at …….like the worse dump smell ever…..but you got to do it.
Well after being down in the dumps and thinking that this news would make me sad and not want to focus I recieve an awesome email from one of the kids in Club Rock:
I just wanted to say hi! I invited my friend Natalie to church. I am not sure if she can come though. Natalie came to my B-Day party. She is one of my BFF’s. I hope she can come. It would be really weird if Kavan brought Tony and I brought Natalie because we are all in the same class!
LYLAS,
I know it seems like to you that this email has nothing to really say to me but really it means so much to me. For her to just tell me what is going on in her life means 10x more loving things then one hug would do for me. The kiddos I work empower me with love and passion everyday. I love them!
I love this blog. It really keeps me in touch with other children’s ministry people. And these three guys are each different people. Jim Wideman is like the Yoda with the wisdom. Ryan is Obi-Wan Kenobi with wisdom and is still learning. And then there is Evan the young one, like Luke Skywalker who is in training in Children’s Ministry. I relate a lot to Evan because I’m starting out and feeling my way through this ministry with God, the almighty force with me. And when I read blogs by Ryan and Jim I’m in awe. Well Jim has been writing a series on Being a Full-Time Leader in Childern’s Ministry and and Part 6 has really got me going. I LOVE IT! So check out the links above and read some great wisdom from the Word of God and the trio.
Tuesday is the earliest day of the week that I wake up. I get up at 5am for a meeting at 6am. After an exciting night of my friend and maid of honor in my wedding getting engaged and being up with her and hearing the story you would think I would cancel my meeting. And I also thought that I would be very very tired and not make it to my meeting. I have had two really full days and looking ahead to Tuesday was not going to be fun becuase I had three meetings all before 11am. Well Tuesday has been amazing!
I arrived a little late to my 6am meeting but when I got there I found that my volunteers had started the meeting without me. This was great because they were moving right along just chatting away on the new things to move Club Rock forward. Since Sunday things in the people I work with are just exciting. To see the aren’t burned out they have found energy. And then having them tell me that they see a huge improvement in me and that I’m moving forward was a huge encouragement.
Then moving to my next meeting I had an hour to spend alone with God. I love these quiet times with God especially lately. I found him showing me so much in watching people and hearing conversations. Well i was at Java Haute and watched the workers (one which goes to my church and the only I have never seen before). They were happy and chatting away and as soon as they saw a car pull around they would say the name of the person and excatly what they would want before they would even order. The community of this little coffee shop brings such joy to my heart. To see that they care and love on every single person that walks in the door and knows them all by name.
It reminds me of how God knows all of us by name and gives us what we need at the right time. And that he cares and loves on us even when we don’t think we need it. As the people walked in they two workers would greet with a smile and would ask “How are you?” And I noticed they truly wanted to know unlike a lot of people now a days. I give these workers a huge prayer of thanks and huge hugs from my soul.
Well my next meeting starts and is such a delight and answered prayer. I have been praying and searching for a mentor for so long. And I have found one finally with some help from some great women I know. Well anyway, I love my mentor and even though we have only met for a couple of weeks she has open my eyes so much. Again another person in that truly wants to know how you are doing. All I can say is thanks Lord.
Finally my last meeting. As I walked in for this meeting I saw a face I knew. This person is a new friend. She has been going through stuff and to see that she was at the same place at the same time as me was uplifting…..not only for me but her also. I asked her how are you and she said “I wish I was at home wrapped up in a blanket watching chic flicks.” She said she just didn’t want to talk but I could see that she was in need of a smile. So I smiled and just chatted about cool little things that God does while we waited….I saw some turning around in her mood but then we had to go our seperate ways. Another great meeting…..but as I walked out of the building my friend was too and we both agreed that we need to hear things we already knew. As I looked down as I was talking to her I noticed a fuzzy outer seed from the dogwood tree.
This seed was so small and spread open like a butterfly…….this made me smile and thank God. This seed just reminded me that God wants us to soar with Him. And today for me, I have been soaring with Him and “It was Good!” (Genesis 1)
Sunday was also a huge day for me not only because of the curriculum but also because I got to baptism my first child.
At first I was so nervous, but as soon as my foot hit the water, I felt peace. I felt this rush of happiness and love come out of me. When I looked into the child’s eyes as I asked her “Do you believe Jesus is the son of the living God?” I felt my heart stop and melt all at the same time. She responsed with this huge smile on her face and said “YES!” As I went on and ask her the other questions……I felt more and more in love with the children I get to work with every Sunday. To think that I was a part of the plan to help this child find Jesus is just so blessing.
As I said the final words of “I now baptism you in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit…” and I watch myself cover her mouth and nose and place her under the water….I could feel that God was pleased and rejoicing. I could hear the angels sing and Jesus jumping and saying YES. And to see the look on the little girls face and hear her family cheer it just rocked my world. I never understood the feeling of baptism until I got to stand in place and do it to someone else. To think what John the Baptist felt when he baptism Jesus. I can’t even image. I know that I just would have cried. It is such an honor to be chosen to have this placed in my hands to baptism God’s children.
Thank you Lord for calling me into your place of ministry…..
Well it has been the first Sunday has past on using the curriculum that I wrote and it was smooth. I found myself waking up and ready to go. I was so excited to share with the children the hard work I had put in to teach them all about creation. And I found that the children loved it. And also I saw that my volunteers were jumping right in and taking the lead. Me getting into the scripture and finding things out about God myself in stories to teach the children has empower me, my volunteers, and the children. I have found a new type of happiness in God. To be honest I feel like the inside Amber is finally coming out. I’m starting to shine through what God has really called me to do. And also this past Sunday I had a meeting with my volunteers and spoke my heart and watched them take charge right away…..the prayers and stress I went through thinking that no one wanted to help me was so WRONG. All along they wanted me to hand them the ropes and say let God lead you not me. This new found knowledge in the ministry is having the children get excited and the volunteers.
When I prayed for God to make me a writer I never thought that the things would exploded like this. It just comes to show insert foot in mouth when you think it is too big for God. Nothing is too big for God.
I will be continuing to pray and love on people. I really feel that things are changing and moving forward…..Basics are the Best…..And the BIBLE should be the only thing we use because I’m 24 and I got caught up in all this new stuff that everyone is putting out for the kids trying to stay with it but really they are wanting the old. Give them challenges because in this day and age, everything is given to them, CHANGE IT!
Go ahead I dare you to ask me about my Saturday night……even if you don’t I’m going to tell you. So this Saturday night I spent it with my husband to be in his favorite free time activity Halo 3. For all you non gamers, click on this all about Halo 3.
Here is the break down. Two bedroom apartment, 12 people, 8 TVs, 7 Xbox 360s, 12 controllers, 10 cups from taco bell, a lot of land cables and 2 routers. Makes one big Halo 3 party (geek fest). Party started at 7pm and lasted until 3:30 am. Well I left at 11pm. And believe me I watched 10 and more games myself. I also played probably 7 myself. I know you all are asking why is she marring this dork. Well I love this dork. And honestly we all are dorks. (speaking of dorks a good movie to learn from is Sydney White and the Seven Dork)
Reflecting on the night “It’s all Good!” Jon (my husband to be) is smart in throwing the Halo party, because he is connecting with people. He is reaching out to them and showing them God’s love without them even knowing it. And this is a huge reason why I love him. Jon knows what he is doing and how to build relationships with people. And even though I spent my time sitting on a couch and watching….I did get to learn a lot about other people and how Jon can relate to these other guys.
Remember we are all dorks…..dorks doing great things for God.
Since we have sent a team of exchangers to Guatemala I thought I would post a blog about a children from Compassion who are need of a sponsor. Hopefully you can help these children. My prayer for is that God will find sponsors for these children. You can click on the link below to go the page with children from Guatemala. There are other countries that are in need also. If you are unable to sponsor a child I hope that you will join me in prayer for these children and other children in the world who need help.
Another organization that is out there making a difference in helping children all over the world is VIVA. I have met the CEO of this organization and was moved by his heart and compassion that God has placed on his heart. I ask that you will pray for this organization also in continuing to help children around the world.
ak
