God moving??? August 21, 2008

First I’m going to say I’m not telling anyone about my day about what really happen until I talk to my husband first after I get home from work….but I will start the story like this….

Yesterday, I had one of those awful days where you want to hide under a rock and stay still so no one can see you…..it’s one of those depressing days that you just lose all hope and you don’t understand why nothing seems to go positively.  See I had one of those days yesterday where I was down and found myself looking straight out into no where in my backyard.  Jon and I both had the day off and instead of my being Mrs Positive and realize that Life is Great I choose to be down in the dumps.  I really have been thinking a lot lately about why and what for.  See since I left my last job I have been wondering why and what for.  Everyday is still a battle of missing the children and not understanding why things that God placed on my heart are put on hold.  I’m just not getting it….You can even ask my husband….I love him so much becuase since I have been down he gets really down….he just wants me to be so happy so much that it makes him feel that he can’t do anything right.  I’m so sad sometimes and I know i’m not the only one in the world that does this, but I will share.  I found myself on my kitchen floor last night crying to my husband about how I always dream things would be and why can’t it be that way for us….I know sad right.  We all get so frustrated and lose sight of things and honestly I feel like someone has been taking a nice long dump on me and they aren’t ready to get off the pot yet…..I should be happy….I’m blessed with being to just slowly pass by in paying the bills and also I’m married to the most amazing man in the world and have the funniest dog in the world and some of the best family members a gal could ask for……but something inside me says it’s not enough and feels that God wants more from me and needs more from me that I’m not doing and so that makes me not happy with myself or where I’m at……..until today…..I can see a huge light at the end and wonder if this is it…..becuase honestly the things that just happen in the past two hours made me cry and see that GOd was moving and I think this is the answer…..it will take a lot of faith and hope and a huge jump but I think this is what God is calling us……like I said you all are going to have to wait and see the rest of the story….

Serving August 18, 2008

So my job is at Olive Garden and I’m a server.  And just so you all know out there here is some info that all customers need to know.  Serving is very very hard…..and it is our job as a server to take care of you but you all are very picky sometimes….  I think I ran a marathon with only four tables for four hours.  I got good tips for my first night but I know some of my other follower servers that didn’t.  Matter a fact I know one of them only got 30 cent tip and he is a very good server.  See this was my first night alone after being trained for a week and honestly I did really well but I don’t think customers really understand how little we all get paid.  Just because we work at an expensive restaurant doesn’t mean we get paid good money…..We only make $2.13 an hour, so the tips is how we pay bills, get food, and try and do the same things you all do….it’s hard.  And honestly I have learned from a week of training that a lot of the people I work with have two jobs because they can make bills just as a server.  This is very nerve racking for me because Jon and I are already having a terrible time trying to make bills and if I am going to have to bring in a certain amount there is no grantee that people are going to pay 15%.  Also to be honest it is even harder to go from a salary job to hourly….especially when you have a degree and have a lot of work experience.  I just hope something better comes my way because I don’t want to serve very long…..but I will have to do what I have to do.

Busy But Good August 10, 2008

So it has been a crazy busy the last four days but some very good news with some bad.  Well first things first I GOT A JOB….YES!  Finally after three months of being unemployed I got a job as a server at the Olive Garden….and who knows maybe some other jobs will call and some more opportunities will come that will provide a more reliable pay check but i’m blessed to even have a job….to be honest the budget was very low i mean really low and i was scared….but God came through…like He always does.  So if you ever eat at the Olive Garden in Terre Haute in about a week I think I should be a full time server after my training.  Also I have now a teachers sub license so hopefully I will get to be around my passion of children again soon.  Well the business has been staying at home becuase Jon’s tire went flat and he has drove my car….so I have been doing a lot of cleaning and finguring out some new ways to cook since we still don’t have a lot of money.  Well cleaning involves laundry well my dryer stopped working so I had clothing hanging all of the apartment.  I called my dad to ask about what could be wrong and he said the switch probably broke so he and mom would come on sunday to fix it.  So today had some great moments…..my niece got confirmed at church…..YEA!!! Went out to eat with Jon’s family to celebrate and jon’s sister paid….thanks for the birthday lunch….(jon’s bday aug 19th, mine aug 24th, and samson, our dog aug 14th) Then my parents showed up and came in with tools…dad looked at it and said well it’s broke and then said let’s get it out of here…..and then he said…”Jon help me carry this out and carry in the new dryer…..Jon and I said WHAT!” To our huge shock my parents bought us a new dryer….wow, huge blessing.  This day has been filled with blessings.  Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me to find a job, it means a lot…..Also I know that I will still be searching for the true passion in my heart in working with children so please keep the prayers going to God will place me in the right place.  Love you all and I hope GOd is changing your lives daily like He is changing mind into a new form of butterfly.

Job Search Update.. August 4, 2008

Well I just thought I would share with everyone how the job search is going and here is how it ranks….so far more rejects then jobs…

Group Publishing…interview questions lead to NO 

Northpoint……NO

Southland….NO

Southeast….NO

Oaklandon….NO

Cross Roads….NO

Lowes…… after two interviews NO

One of the ISU jobs I applied for…….NO

Gibualt…..highly qualified and was told to call back in three weeks becuase only taking jobs from the fair right now….

Green Hills Nannies…..NO

Jobs could have but can’t afford to move…

YMCA….part-time in Indy if move

YMCA…..nashville, TN full-time if move

Great Au Pair…..many different states & london if move

Part-time job in ministry if move to Nashville

Daycare….full time sub teacher and floater in Indy if move

And the rest…

Haven’t heard back from 7 other positions at ISU, many other churches I applied at, many other places here in terre haute, and many other things but I can’t remember everything I applied for…. So I’m been thinking what is wrong with me and why doesn’t anyone want me.  And my degree has done nothing to help….I almost want to go back and get and RN degree just so I know I will get a job anywhere.  Or I’m about to start my own job here soon if people would hire me for cleaning their house and watching their children too.

The hardest choice August 3, 2008

I can remember when my friend Scot got his grant to go over seas and take a work leave but really it was a summer of God working on Him. And will never forget how happy he was, becuase the first time he applied he didn’t get accept so I know that was a let down.  Well in febraury I applied for something that I knew would be a huge stepping stone in learning for me about Children’s Ministry and the call that God has on my heart and the dreams He is showing me to do for His ministry.  Like any person you have those leaders in your life that you look up to and are amazed how God leads them in working with His people.  Well some of those leaders for me are Reggie Joiner, Sue Miller, Lanny Donoho, Ryan Frank, Francis Chan, and Jim Wideman to name a few.  The way that God leads these people and how there hearts are fully on God rocks my world and others around them. God has lead Jim Wideman to start up a ministry to teach the upcoming children leaders how to rely on God and teach the new generation.  This is going to be the first year for this program called infuse.  It is a intense mentoring year with Jim Wideman and some other leaders to help you grow with God to become a stronger in leader in God.  Well this was the program I applied for and honestly thought I would never get choosen…..well I was wrong.  God lead Jim to choose me for this opportunity of a lifetime.  I am very honored and every inch of me wants to be a part of this an grow and learn from God and these leaders but unlike my friend Scot where He didn’t have to worry about the money I do.  This program cost money, money that when I applied for the mentorship I had….I had the job of my dreams and never intended on leaving.  But God has other plans…and after leaving that job I honestly thought this mentorship was out the window and to stop dreaming about it.  Well I was wrong when I got the phone call on Friday to be told in person that I have been choosen.  My heart stopped and I jump for joy and then I looked at my life right now.  This mentorship not only works with me but also your family….which would mean my husband.  Well my husband is the only one who has a job right now….I have applied and worked everyday at trying to get a job….and no leads.  This means very little money….so I’m going to have to turn down another dream becuase of money.  A dream that I just know that would help me grow in leading God’s children.  To be honest this brings me to tears, becuase I can’t grasp why God would allow Jim to pick me when God knows we can’t afford this opportunity.  A door that is opened by God but I can’t walk through…..this hurts more then anything.  Every inch of me wants to say yes to this answered prayer of mine but I’m going to have to turn it down….even though I really don’t want too…..I just don’t understand this journey right now with God, this is not the first time in the last couple of weeks I have had to turn down things becuase of lack of money.   Why do things like this happen at the worse times????

Day 4 & 5- GCS August 1, 2008

Day 4- Self Explore

Well when I decided to start this job of mine I never thought I would have to take a day and have it on me with God.  I thought that if I took a day for myself it would be selfish but really it wasn’t.  See lately I have been down becuase I was feeling like no one wants to hire me and honestly I was being selfish….I was throwing myself a pity party everyday and it was not good.  And my husband looked me straight in the eye at the end of Day 3-car love and sais “STOP IT, YOU ARE BEING SELFISH!” I got like all women would….I got defensive…..but he was right I was being selfish and I was thinking like the world revolved around me even though I was doing good things for others I wasn’t really putting all the heart and love into it that God calls me to.  So day 4, was self-love more like self exam with God.  I spent the day with my family on the beach swimming but spent it listening and being in awe of who God is.  I was making a hobby of smiling and realizing i’m too small to think of myself….the world is way bigger and there is more in this world then me. Needles to say it was a day I Changed Myself….

This picture I took in my bedroom, the circle is the everlasting love that God gives us and He is the light that shines so bright in our lives. The mirror is a reminder to always reflect the light, Jesus Christ.

Day 5-Simple Acts

I love to go food shopping…..it is always fun and challenging.  It is really challenging right now for us but I know that God will open a door soon or not….it is completely up to Him.  Well anyway, I was out doing my shopping at the local Aldi’s (this place rocks for food prices) and decided that this would be my job today.  It was very crowded (memo to everyone if you don’t like crowds avoid Aldi’s on evenings on Fridays) and really I don’t mind well, I overheard a lady that kept asking where on the biscuits and no one was helping her so I turned around and helped her find the biscuits.  After this the lady asked if I could help her find the beef and sure enough I did.  She was such a sweet old lady….I would call her grandma and God’s love rocks becuase it sure does give courage.  Well after checking out there was this cute family of five and the little ones where getting tried and were ready to go and I noticed that the family was searching for more money to buy some bags after they already got their food.  I realized this so I gave them all my bags, they tried to pay me but I wouldn’t take the money.  The payment for me was the children’s faces and them seeing a stranger be nice and hopefully someday they will do the same.  As I was walking out of the store I heard the couple say “That was really nice and no one ever does that anymore.” It really wasn’t about me it was something that I know that God would calls us to do….and it makes me sad to hear the couple say that “no one ever does that anymore” what ever happen to loving one another in this country…..I know not everyone is selfish but just think of the little things you can do now that can teach the new generation.  And I hope that the children will remember what they saw me do and that the parents will also notice to and do the same….. Speaking of parents, my terre haute parents, Jen & Sean taught me something to do at Aldi’s a long time ago and I do it now everytime….You leave your quarter in the cart for someone else to use it….(thanks for teaching me that simple act of kindness) You know what it shouldn’t be “I CHANGED SOMEONE” it should be “GOD CHANGED SOMEONE!!!”