IDK February 18, 2009

I am sitting here in my apartment with so many things on my mind that I really don’t know what to write.  I guess you could say I write more things in my own head then what I share on here.  I have recently grown into the person that would be willing to help and share a life story with someone that needed help or just a story to laugh at to a person that never shares anything.  The only person I do share stuff with is my husband Jon.  So i have been reading my old blogs and noticed that I seemed to always look toward God and thinking that something new was coming along.  Well reflecting back at that time I would have been happy with finding a dollar on the street.  I mean things do look up but really it’s scarey but everyday has been a turn of you don’t know what is going to happen.  I have come to realize this is life.  I started to read my blogs in August and September and laugh becuase I was pregnant with our baby and didn’t even realize it.   And thinking in real liife at the time God gave me a light that I just hadn’t really saw and all along I thought it was going to be a job back in the ministry or us moving to a new city.  I think God was saving us from moving until Jon lost his job so he would be able to move on.  I feel that Jon’s job was his ministry to him.  And I also feel we didn’t need to leave until now becuase God had some more things to tell me with new people I was meeting in my job.  The job I work in now is kinda like a refresher of when I was on my own in Georgia and God recharged me for him.  God has been showing me more then I need a job where I don’t need to take my work home with me and I can be more a wife and a friend to my husband and of course not stress out.  Also I have learned to God needed for me to destress so I could grow this beautiful gift inside of me from Him.  Jon and I have 11 days left in Terre Haute and everyday I have been feeling more and more relief go away.  Yes, I will admitt that a scar of pain has been reoccuring for almost a year in my heart becuase of what happen to me in May last year but once I’m away from the roads and places that trigger the pain of not seeing or hearing the voices of children I left behind the better I will feel.  I also know that this past months of more downs then ups have brought Jon and I far away from where God was leading us in His ministry and moving to Indy will be a fresh start with God.  We will be able to seek out a church that is right for us and that we can call a family/community. 

I know this blog is kinda random and hopefully it is a start for me on being able to write more clear blogs.  I don’t know but my head really hurts.

Green Poop February 12, 2009

So let’s talk about prego (aka pregnant) feelings I’m having and issues.  Just like any other woman out there with a new living child growing in her she has to be feeling this stuff I’m about to mention.  1) No place in your house, car, or work is comfortable to sit in….all i want to say is give me a butt pillow and let me tape it to my butt for the next three months.  2) I hate that I can’t sleep in my own bed anymore…..My husband tells me that I’m so moody when it comes to sleeping becuase I push him away and my voice is mean and yellie.  So where do I end up sleeping in my bowl chair.  3) Does the child really need to sit on my bladder. …I go to the bathroom more at night then during the day, it has to be 7 to 9 times at night…..I just want a bed pan….lol 4) I now know how an old person feels when they can’t control themselves…..FYI embrassing story:  the other day I suddenly had to throw up and while throwing up a wet myself….so not cool.  5) Green Poop, enough said…I don’t even know why it is this color maybe it is the vitamins but it sure is weird. 

This is all I can think of right now with issues I’m having.  The feelings are another thing.  Even though I have some of the weirdness issues the feelings with the baby inside are amazing.  My husband and I felt our baby for the first time kick about two weeks ago.  We were at a friends house and they were playing Rock Band when our baby was kicking to the beat.  It was really cool.  The only other time she has kicked is when my husband has played his guitar.  I really think she has a heart for music already just like her mom and dad.  The baby has also made me realize a lot of my passion for children again.  These thoughts make my heart ache and burn with excitment.  Maybe I should start writing some worship music for children becuase having this girl inside is making me want to write her songs to sing.  Well I don’t want to talk about all the feelings I’m having so I guess I better stop for now. 

Side note:  I pretty sure that my husband and I have finally come up with an agreed name for this beautiful child inside.