So little… June 24, 2009

I feel that some parts of life have come back since Raegan has been born.  I am slowly getting to have conversations with my husband again and actually knowing what is being said instead of being asleep during them.  I really have been enjoying these late night conversations between feedings while Raegan is wide awake. (which she gets from her father she is wide awake always between 9-midnight.)  Anyway, we both have been realizing that Jon’s job and the bills we still pay and the rent we pay my parents for living with them is not going to do very well.  Here we thought that we would be saving and not living pay check to pay check but that’s not true.  Granted we are getting some relief and blessings for sure and I’m not taken them forgranted.  Jon and I both just know that we want to save money and be able to get a home when we move out and also we don’t want to be burdens to my folks.  Jon has found out that they are going to cut his hours back and right now he is not even getting 30 and then driving the distance and price of gas just makes the job not make any sense.  Well Jon is going to start looking again and so I pray that God will bless him with a better job.  Now on to my thoughts, I know that I’m going to have to go back to work.  And to be honest I’m not ready to even think about this.  She is so little now and I’m scared to even leave her or even take her to a daycare.  I don’t feel right to leave her right now….and I know that my mom could watch her on her days off but honestly I don’t want to put her in that position.  Me finding a job is the last thing on my mind and I don’t want to be the one to bring home that main money.  I really just want to stay home with her.  I know that Jon feels that same way and he hates missing out on things just like I know I will if I was working.  I just wish that Jon and I could get a home business running and make it that way.  I wish some how we could get a photography business going or something that we both enjoy doing.  I just pray that this will work out….right now it seems so little to think about all this stuff but yet it is so big….I’m not complaining…I’m hoping…